"Earned half a dime, "
"spent a dime"
"how will it keep..."
"the wheels of life spinning"
"earned half a dime, spent a dime"
"how will it keep the wheels of life spinning..."
"on the road to your destination?"
"Bombay to goa"
"open up, laugh, and sing, "
"enjoy life"
"dreams of a fantasy ride..."
"hold in your eyes"
"what's the problem?"
"Bombay to goa"
what are you doing? Why are you driving so rash?
What are you doing? Is this how you drive?
Left... take care of the left
will you get me killed?
Drive straight
why are you looking behind? Look ahead
what happened?
Your mother... - what did you say?
I mean, your mother's and my mother's horoscopes match...
no wonder we can't get along. You get it?
Am i blind?
Should i ram into the rickshaw? Want me to run over the pedestrians?
Here's what you do...
i'll sit here in your place
you sit there, in my place. Drive
seth hingorani will drive?
And you'll sit behind like the boss? How dare you?
Just you come home, i'll fix you
you can settle the account later
there goes your damn job ...pick it up
listen... listen...
listen to me
i can't drive
you should've thought about it earlier
how could you mess with a chauffeur? - Mr chauffeur...
i care a damn
d asa ex- best bus driver
world famous teligali, andheri cultural club talent hunt contest
hello? Hi. I'm lal and i want dough
during ganpatis installations, people go seeking (chanda) donations
let's see the difficulties they face
this mean man opens the door, "what ya want?"
I want chanda (donation). - I see
chanda, my child... go with him
oh no... i don't want your daughter, i want donations
last time too you came asking! - That was donations for govinda
is this time for chunkey pandey? Get out from here
the boys then went to a bhaiyaji
bhaiyaji said, i can't give you donations
you guys are frauds. Last time you took 501 bucks from me...
and told me you'd sit up ganpati. - Right
i saw for all the ten days, ganpati was always standing. You are frauds
lal singh wannabe tycoon
dasa, i'm elated tonight
i can see that
a little dough makes you go off your rockers, eh?
Until yesterday i was brother-in-law, now you take my name, eh!
I'm sorry, i'm sorry...
tell me...
what will you do with 200,000
it's planned. Who's reliance's boss?
It's anil. - Shall i make him my partner?
I'll setup a snacks shop. Reliance snacks centre
his hardwork, my money
check this one out. - Out of here!
The louse dares to sleep amongst the rich...
when no one dares to sit with me. Bloody poor
you got 200,000, right? - Right
so why share it with anil? - Then?
We'll setup our own shopping mall. - Where's the plot?
Here's the plot... all over here
this place? - Of course
ass! This land belongs to the government
the government belongs to us. Who are the voters?
Go ahead with the idea, i'll talk to the government
you mean,
my shopping mall building will really come up!
Yes. Lots of shops in it. - Correct
jewellery shop at the front, - yes
then the tobacconist, - okay
sportswear, - okay
and the electronics shop at the end. - Right. Plasma tv
there's the hitch. - What hitch?
Our neighbour, the thief chandu. - Oh yes
constables from eleven countries are looking for him
he's carried out 24 "attempts" of thefts successfully
when he met me yesterday he said he's going to celebrate silver jubilee
i'll ram this bottle on his head! - I won't let him succeed
get up, you! - No, i didn't steal!
I didn't steal the tv. - We didn't ask you!
How did you know what we came for? Hit the swine
you will steal plasma tv, eh?
Please! Where was the plasma?
In the shop. - Where's the shop?
Inside the shopping mall? - Where's the shopping mall?
Damn you! On the ground
ground? The ground is empty. Nothing is there
correct
brother, sorry
lala, i got another idea
chor bazaar (mumbal)
Where are you? I'm right there
if only you take the phone off the ear. Street 4, chor bazaar. Right from here
salaam aleikom, hanif bhai. - Waleikom. What's up?
Lal. Mr lal. M. D and chairman of a1 tours and travels
i've even printed the cards. Look
sir, i want to make a bus that is air-conditioned,
with all the facilities, passengers should be happy,
right kind of windows, seats... i want to build a palace on wheels
got the money? - Money's no problem. Cash
but i want... please count it...
i want you to give me parts that'll make my passengers praise my bus
god,
since we met by chance, i thought i'd share my feelings in person
because of flop film heroes and hit tv serial producers,
meeting you has become tough. The queue up everywhere
oh no, i won't tell you like a filmstar...
"you will be really happy"
no way
i won't even speak like rajesh khanna, god, don't give anyone a mouth
if you give him a mouth, don't give him a stomach. If you give him a stomach...
i won't say anything like that. I'll just say what adnan sami does
you have given even to the fools and the idiots
i mean, to people like shahid kapur you've given kareena kapoor
i don't want kareena kapoor. I want my career
that reminds me... dasa, - yes?
You haven't shown me the bus. - The bus isn't here as yet
the bus is perfect, the conductor ought to be right
the conductor is also perfect
and god willing if i get good passengers,
the journey will be fun
i don't know
speak up! - I don't know
i won't spare you otherwise
even i'm tired hitting you
father!
Great location
can't say whether it's morning or night
camera? - It's sony
from what i see, he might not talk, but you'll certainly have a brain surgery
why don't you slow down? If your blood pressure goes high...
you'll land in the graveyard. - So you'll record my humiliation...
and sell it to the channels, eh? - You and i make a good terrorist pair
we'll be famous. - Very smart
you are not an ass like i said. What are you upto?
Ass? Son of an ass, in fact
your phone! Take the call, while i talk to him
how d'you feel sambha? What did you eat last night? Fish?
My whip talks first, then comes logic
did the old man talk?
No sir. - He must talk before he dies
else it'll be time for you guys to die. - Yes sir
you've had it! - What are you doing, father?
I don't know! - If he dies,
we've had it. Try to understand
say thanks. - I don't know
harley davidson?
It was a no-moon night and priyanka, for her honeymoon,
had gone to her forefathers' mansion
she was in her room and sanjay went to organise some food...
when she heard footsteps from the gallery
then she heard the footsteps much closer
priyanka thought it was her husband
she ran to see but there was nothing in sight anywhere...
in the gallery, balcony... nowhere. She was dead scared
her lips dried out of fear
she was thirsty, she ran towards the bathroom,
opened the door
and around 50 bats flew off
but priyanka wasn't scared, she went it...
and saw that the bathroom's bulb was quivering
was it lit? - Trying to light up
she saw the tap, the tap saw her
the tap was as if feigning innocence
priyanka didn't know whether there was a shower or a fountain above
it was watching her like this
the shower and the tap had an understanding
when the tap was on, the shower stopped
when the shower worked, the tap would stop
the tap would drip...
and shower?
Tap?
Shower?
As soon as the ignorant priyanka turned the tap on,
the tap squealed...
priyanka was frightened, she ran towards her bedroom,
and what she saw in there made her lose her senses
the fishes were swimming in the air like this
hey bro...
what is it? - Where's the morgue?
Go straight, then take a right. Is it your first time?
The first time when i came here, my face was covered with a shroud
everything will be fine. - He was dead when he came first!
You know, the graveyard is just behind the autopsy room
a fatso with a moustache sits on a big fat grave there
i asked him if he isn't scared of sitting on a grave
he said, "no. I live in this grave"
"it was hot inside, so i came out to get some fresh air"
you ran away from the hospital?
I've decide to quit the job. I want to meet...
different types of people, i'll observe them
i'll weave the characters into stories and create a sensation worldwide
i want people to remember as a great writer
baijnath yadav banarasi, jhuman miyan lucknowi,
markande pandey... - markande pandey, sir
did you call me? - Yes. How much for the coffee?
Fifty. - Only? Here you are
sorry sir, we have no change
if you have... - no, i got 100
check it... 100 will do. They will give change
take 100. 50 for the coffee, keep the other 50 as tip
you give my money as tip?
It's our honour that matters. I give tip as per my status
but why are you angry? I'll get you another coffee. Waiter
no! I don't want your coffee. - What a friend! Scum
waiter... - yes sir?
Give me the hundred. - Which one, sir?
The one i just gave you
which one, eh? 50 is the bill, right? - Yes sir
yes sir. - Here's 50
anthony gonsalves aspiring writer
"light your fag..."
"with the bosom of my heart, my love"
"it's burning inside me"
"let smoke not slip out of your lips..."
nisha ex-bar dancer
"the world's smoked out already"
deepa ex-bar dancer
damn, the dance bars have been banned but you are not out of it yet
folks are coming for an alliance, not for a dance bar audition
cover up! - Can i dress up like this?
No! Dress up to seduce but be little decent
welcome
no trouble finding the house i guess. - Not at all
please be seated. I'm honoured to have you here
the marriage broker said you are a hotelier
yes. - Rich men must be visiting your hotel
yes. - You must be friends with them
yes. - Papa, the agent also said that...
he knows match fixers. - Shut up, kid
i'm off. - Where to?
I'm a kid. I fear if he has contacts with michael jackson
i hear you have two girls, no boys
right. - So you must be running the business?
No, my daughters used to run
just business, or do they even do household chores?
They are masters
even the devoted wives have failed before them
once they enter your house, they will give a new look and feel to it
can we see the beauties?
Why not? Lajo, get sharmila
put it down and sit
very good, sir. - My child, lift your veil
don't be shy, we are like your parents
and he's your husband to-be
it's me. - Sorry, son
deepu... you!
Pakya, you? - Dammit!
The two of you know each other? - No daddy,
it's just a slip of tongue, i don't know her
bloody scum! Don't you know me?
You used to come to deepa night bar and blow up dough on me
no daddy, i used to use my credit card to watch the dance
credit card? - Yes. I used to blow cheques
who gave me the gold chain, diamond necklace and the earrings? My father?
That gold chain in mine! - The diamond necklace is mine
now i know who used to steal in the factory
i kicked out my workers because i thought they were the thieves
damn you! You stole a million bucks and splurged on this bar girl, eh?
He splurged millions on tarannum. Speak up. Why are you mum now?
The scum won't speak! He gave you gold chain and necklace
he gives me a bloody ring and tells me, "everything belongs to me"
"the moment my old man dies, i'll make you my princess"
come home, let's see who dies first. I'll fix you good
papa, just fix the alliance. I won't have to visit dance bars
she'll dance at home, i'll toss money on her and pick it up in the morning
our money will be safe with us. - Right. So the alliance is fixed?
Get lost! Shame on you
i don't want to make a dance bar out of my house
i'd rather shove my son into a pit. - That's fine
these days you earn money as well as publicity if you fall in a pit
shut up. Devoted wives fail before these bar girls you said, didn't you?
Yes! - It's the truth
many men have deserted their wives for bar girls
trust me, if you accept them, they will be loyal to you
no, thanks. Let's go. - No, you can't go like this
have a sweet. I spent money on the sweets
what was the need to prove acquaintance?
That chap was refusing to acknowledge
i now understand. You girls are so famous that,
you won't find a guy who doesn't know you
even if you find a guy, his father would know you
so i've decided to move to goa
my friend there tells me to start a new business
i'll marry you off there
vettikutti anna ex-bar owner
open the door
ganpat, open the door
i can't. I can't even open my eyes
i'm covered with soap. Wait another ten minutes
ten minutes? I'll be in trouble
you know i'm a diabetic
do it in the balcony
when you engage the toilet, the balcony works for me
no way. The colonel will shoot me
no way. Did he ever shoot me?
How dare you mess my hair?
I'm watering the plants, sir. - Very good
nice man
water the plants over there, because you are pouring on my tea
please don't drink the tea
why? - The water is pee...
shut up, you idiot! Tea is made from water
this is what we drank in the army
damn, he wet the biscuits too
never mind
looks like i'll shoot bahadur today. He made the tea more spicy
colonel drank it?
Shut up. If he finds out, he'll shoot me
why don't you get yourself treated?
I haven't left out a doctor or a hakim. It doesn't help
try this one too
i bought the newspaper especially for you
he's a hakim from goa, great one at that
really?
I'll try him
charandas house of diseases
he'll come in a huge car. Just watch
he'll be just perfect for our radha
he's my friend's brother's nephew. Heard lots about him
but you've never seen him, how will you recognise him?
Ass! He's a doctor. And one recognises a doctor from very far
it's time for radha, your buffalo's delivery. Do something
what do i tell you? I phoned the doctor two hours back
he said he's busy and asked me to call another doctor
stop. You took so long
must be the doctor
a buffalo is in labour. If something goes wrong, who'll be responsible?
He came in a rickshaw. Go and pay for him
he's here. Get inside, shameless creatures
greetings, sir. We'll pay him. - Where's radha?
Greetings. - Greetings
you have already ordered the sweets
i won't have sweets. I'll see radha first, do the works and then eat
please be seated. - So there's enough time you mean?
Enough time. Sit. - No worries
i want some details about radha. - Ask, son
is radha your own?
My own! Hundred percent my kid
kid? Kid? Did the kid deliver before?
What? Doctor, are you suspecting my radha?
You are being touchy. It's important to investigate
i need to checkup, so that there's no complication, no problem
but son, must you checkup? - Yes, it's very important
i will do the checkup, my friends will also do the checkup
what? - If there's a complication,
we'll take radha along, she'll stay with us
what? All of you will keep radha with you?
Till she delivers. Once she delivers,
we'll bring radha and the young one safely here
amazed? Promise me before everyone that...
if everything goes well, you will send me a litre of radha's milk daily
he goes bonkers for a litre of milk. I have that right, don't i?
I have that much right, don't i?
What's the old man upto? - Get up
get up? - Stand up
you think my daughter is a cow, goat or a buffalo?
Is this a stable or a dairy shop? Get out of here
one minute. Hold it
there's some confusion. - Get lost. No confusion at all
wait a second. I was talking about radha the buffalo
who were you talking of? - My daughter radha
disgusting! What kind of a father are you?
I was talking about radha the buffalo, you were talking about your daughter
unknowingly i spoke so much about your daughter,
and you did nothing but acknowledge. In your shoes, i'd have shot you
why didn't you tell me that radha is your daughter?
Why didn't you tell me to show me the buffalo?
Wouldn't that have offended you? - You can't call a buffalo by a name!
Am i crazy to take offence? - Listen... please don't scream
you get so touchy. I have a client d'souza
his dog fell ill, so he called me. When i asked him to show me the dog,
he took offence. He started scratching me like a dog
he said, he's not a dog, he's family. His name is ricky ponting
now tell me! - All right, all right!
I'll rechristen my daughter today
i don't care what you rechristen, just show me aivaj lal's stable
stable? It's behind. Get lost
move it! - Sure, but the sweets seem fresh
shall i have one? - Have cowdung from the stable
get lost. - Bloody dog
hang on... the money i paid for the cab?
Sure. Here you are
get lost now. Hey... wait
are you not rakesh pandey's nephew? - No
then who the hell are you? - I'm a vet
my name is kushal bhardwaj
kushal bhardwaj... nice name
my parents kept it lovingly. - Go lovingly
kushal bhardwaj vet
abu
don't lift your veil but please let me hear your sweet voice
i was wondering, how will i recognise you if you wash your face?
That's why i don't wash my face
ever since i've seen you, this is how i sleep, this is how i wake up
by the way,
what do you think of me?
Lift your veil, it's puzzling now
husna, i told you not to enter this flour mill
stop there! I'll break your limbs if you meet this slime again!
Damn you! Scoundrel, rascal, rogue
don't tell me your names. What's your problem, old man?
The trouble is brewing within me like a volcano waiting to erupt
i thought i'd reason with you before i melt you down
rotten mango, you are a disease on old age
shut up! - You took nine months to take birth
what takes you more than 90 years to die?
Don't you talk me down
you don't know me, i'm a scoundrel
if you are a scoundrel, then who is husna's father?
I won't spare you now
i'm not latif khekda unless i throw you out of this place
a suitor is coming to see husna tomorrow
next friday night she'll be married
and afterwards, son, you will go to the graveyard
you will be dead. - O angel of death,
old fossil, get lost
else, i'll grind you and feed you to the dogs
dogs? - Out!
The name is latif khekda. - Get lost
husna, let's go before that langur, your father comes
mummy! Mummy!
Shut up! Husna, are they your children? - Yes
these children can't deter abu
i'll accept you with this team! C'mon! - But...
abu, where are you going? I'm here. - Husna?
Then who is this? Forgive me, lady
i shall break off with you and unite with her. Let's go, husna
abdul karim telgi (abu) and husna absconding couple
what's the guy's name? - Abdul karim telgi
are you out of your mind, old man? Abdul karim telgi...
is in jail, since last five years. Stamp paper scandal
i'm not talking about him. It's about the miller abdul
all right. You have the girl's picture? - Of course
here you are
why are you laughing now? - I can't help it
the girl is in a burqa. How'll anyone recognise her?
Our grownup girls don't take pictures without a burqa. Can't help it
any picture as a kid? - Of course
here you are
you are laughing again?
Her face can't be seen here either, it's covered
our daughters don't go even to school without a veil
uncle, d'you have a picture of hers in childhood?
Of course. Beautiful picture
when she was three years old. Her hair was shaved then
she isn't dead, she just eloped. - Is there a picture...
where i can see her face? - Why not?
Before she was born. A sonography... - let it be
let it be. She must be wearing a veil in that too
d'you have that guy's picture, who kidnapped your daughter?
Of course, he is most wanted. Look at the scoundrel
what's this? Girl behind a veil, the boy covered in flour
how will i recognise them? - Nice excuses
heads or tails, you win
you earn from the government, and you ask me how to catch a criminal?
I'll go to delhi, even if i have to go without ticket
go wherever you want to
go! Stop crowing, or i'll blow your brains out
an encounter? Latif khekda is being killed!
Get up! The old man has vanished
where's the old man? - The old man has vanished
he was right here
find him
father, what do you think? - Where?
Father, who rules the land and sky?
God
get up. - Where to, sir?
Hurry up
quick
i'm the boss of a-1 tours and travels. Want to go to goa, sir?
Sir? Sir, goa?
It's my first day of business, and we're offering 40 percent discount
bhopal? - Darling, it won't go to bhopal
itarsi. - Where is itarsi?
No idea. - Don't waste my time, get lost
will it go to bhusawal? - Don't get frustrated
go to the station and take a train to bhusawal
but it'll go to nepal, right? - I'll thrash you! Beat it
d'you brush your teeth? Hello
or, d'you fear the world? - Idiot
bloody fool! - D'you brush your teeth?
I do, sir. Nice to meet you
i'm lal, i own a-1 tours and travels. Won't you go to goa?
Won't i tire out walking to goa? - Exactly, that's why we're not walking
by bus
your name? - Aditya chopra
uday chopra's brother! He will go to goa and make love out there
tickets, sir. And here's my card. - Thank you
hey! Pay up, will you?
Excuse me, i don't have the money. - No money?
No. - Then return my tickets
you don't need a visiting card either, you need a credit card
why did you tell me you want to go to goa?
Excuse me! I didn't! You came asking if i wanted to go to goa
now who wouldn't want to go to goa? - I was seeking customers,
not strugglers. Not goa, you go there
cheap and best. Why don't you guys understand? Come with me
amazing character
he's selling bus tickets like people selling shoes outside stations
nice. Sensational character for my novel
let me begin my career with him
life is a beautiful journey and only i know what'll happen tomorrow
i refused once, didn't i? Just shut up
excuse me... will you take me to goa?
That's what i'm here for. - What's your name, sir?
My name is anthony gonsalves. - Don't sing the entire song
it's a great song, i've heard it thousand times, i know it by heart
i'm a ioner. - One goa, please
there's only one goa in india. How many tickets do you want, sir?
I'd like only one ticket
sir, 130 bucks, discounted
130, eh?
Here's 130 bucks. - What style
i'm anthony's carbon copy and you are a xerox...
of? - No idea
who is anthony?
The first person in the film industry who went from bombay to goa
c'mon
your name? - Vishambaram kulumaveli vellikutti
any short form, sir? - Vettikutti
kutti kutti kutti, okay
three times kutti, right? - Right...
360 bucks, after discount
nice. Here are the tickets. - It's 370. keep ten as tip
oh my god! Ten bucks! Let me carry your luggage
please. - Great stuff
great luggage, i mean. - Evil mind, move it
great stuff, sir. Both yours, sir?
Three strange characters
the girls look neither like sisters nor friends
something's amiss
the black bulldozer doesn't seem to be their father
their story doesn't appear to be a family soap
sir, i'm lal, i own a-1 tours and travels
my company is offering 40 percent discount for first-timers to goa
forty? - Your needs will also be taken care of
really? - I have one problem
one problem. - What problem?
Let me whisper it to you. - I'm not that type, sir
i think you rang the wrong doorbell. Sir, please...
i knew your type when i saw you first!
No... - come here, let me tell you
that's all? Come on. - Excuse me
what if the bus doesn't take a halt? - Then?
You want emergency service? - Emergency?
Of course. Take it easy. - Thank you
goa! Goa!
Where were you, reporter? - Begum, pay the fare
customer! - Bloody off-season rain!
Bloody itch! You are raving. D'you take this decent man for a customer?
Don't mind, but i didn't mean a dance bar customer
i own a bus. So my passengers are my customers
say so then. Open your ticket book,
cast your anger out and give me two tickets
you seem to be a poet. - Mirza ghalib put him in charge
your "problem"? - Not problem, it's called pseudonym
okay. So what's your? - Abubhai chakkiwala
and my pseudonym is lalubhai buswala. - Nice
and i am... - why are you butting in?
I'm here to ground wheat. Get the bags. - He seems quite a bore
don't mind him. Come on, you too
hello. - You must greet your brother-in-law,
before you greet your sister. - Ground the wheat elsewhere!
Where are you going? - In the bus
no, this is not our bus. Our bus will be a dream beauty
prettier than beauty, like a newly wed bride
"wheel on palace"
excuse me, guys. Let's go there
come here... what's this? What the hell is this?
It's our bus. - You call it a bus?
You wanted it to be different, so it's different. Not a soul missed it
even the dogs didn't stop barking. - Dasa! You've ruined me
you ruined my 200,000 bucks! - In 200,000 bucks...
tata company won't make a special bus for you. Can't even buy a maruti car
i've got you a fit and fine a-1 bus
fit and fine, indeed! You call this bus fit?
Look at these bells, look at the colour
you call it fit? Look at the seating arrangements
the passengers will get stings on their buttocks. You call it fit?
It'd give someone a bout of fits. Except the horn, everything is cracking
and you call it fit? - Look,
from bicycle parts to ship parts, we have everything in this bus
fifteen engineers ran off, but for my education
i sat right through the entire process of making the bus
damn! - Dasa, you didn't work on it
you've killed me!
Lala... - get lost
get lost! - What's wrong with him?
You've ruined me! What will i tell my customers?
No, lala. I got an idea to deal with them
we are honoured to have you and your stuff here
please come. The bus is ready to leave for goa
all of you, please take the window seats. Because...
all the seats in this bus are window seats
is it from uganda? - Why does it have windows like that?
Because of the breeze, you know
actually, by giving us a discount he's robbing us
he's right. - Now listen,
we don't want to travel in this bus, return our money
the miller is right
hang on. Whose bus is it? - Yours
so who will talk? - You
then let me talk. - Go ahead
this bus is not going to goa. - Why not?
Actually, the bus going to goa is waiting near a motel on the highway
then summon it here. - This bus is a pickup. Know why?
Because that one runs on a runway
you know the roads of bombay... - very bad, like me
this bus will pick you up and leave you at panvel. All right?
Let's go, take your stuff
you have everything inside, whiskey too
the driver of the bus, pencil cell, is an amazing character
and for my novel, this bus is the biggest character
looking at it i feel it'll speak up at new bombay,
"enough, i can't go on anymore"
let's see how much we'll have to suffer in this journey
come on. Lala...
come on in... sit
i saw that chandelier in deepa bar. - Did you? It's from there itself
is this a volvo? - You'll find it to be a train later
you've conned us
look nisha, a sofa. - We can sleep peacefully on it
that's for sleeping indeed. I got only one,
else, i'd have had sofas all over the place for you
i've never seen a bus like this. - Really?
Have you seen your wife's face? - What are you worried about?
She is my original wife. - Go ahead, take a corner seat
get up... what are you doing? - Is it a cushion or a spring?
What a soft seat! - But that's in my cup! Get up
but i'm comfortable. - I'm uncomfortable. Get up
must i? - Yes
no problem. Next time. Wonderful
what a clown! - You saw him?
If he refused to get up, you should give him a rap on his back
which bus is there at the motel?
Where's the motel anyway?
Look, now that they have boarded the bus, they will get off only in goa
you will handle everything, won't you? - Everything is fine here. Go back
take care, friend
my whip talks first, then comes logic. - You're right, sir
bloody ass. - No. Son of an ass
bloody jerk! - How did he run?
How did he escape? Have you been boozing?
No. - We didn't drink last night
we didn't, we bet. - Shut up
often we see either a stupid father or a stupid son
but here both are stupid. - Correct
now don't stand here like tom and jerry. Go and find him
get this. I've been waiting for that old man to speak since 20 years
if you clowns don't find him, you know what i'll do to you
we know
got a lighter? - Yes
keep it. You'll need it to burn your house down
correct. Father
camera. - Find the old man
else, this beardy will screw us
stop
get up! - No, i'm fine here
it's my wife's lap, not your mother's. - Will do
won't do for me. - You got only one wife?
No. I got hundred. I'll distribute it during eid
do come over. - You'll find me in the queue
what's your problem? - Behave yourself. I want to go to goa
goa? But you had planned to go to god, not goa
get in
first of its kind. An old superman. Spent superman
someone who lights a lantern in horror flicks is here as superman
anyway, i've found a nice character for my novel
this journey is going to be fun! Bombay to goa
stop! Stop
stop. I need to...
dasa, stop
thank you. I'll be back. - Conductor, the bus just started...
easy. He's an elderly person
i had given him a bottle. - Liquor?
To pee
he took so long. - It's his bus, he stopped, dear
is everything all right now? - I'm not satisfied
sir... - one minute, please
your satisfaction is doing me in. - I'll be right back
when will this bus reach goa, conductor?
No idea
why has the bus stopped? - Because of me. I have this disease...
of stopping the bus every now and then. - Then get yourself treated
don't want to reach goa faster? - I see
hello... stop. I'm coming
this idiot is going to kill me
brother... - no change. Get lost
i'm not a beggar. Brother... - get lost
listen to me... - what is it?
Is this bus going to goa? - Come here... it is going to dubai
want to come? - Bus services to dubai?
Don't you chew my brains. This bus is going to goa. Come on in
where's your luggage? - This is all i have
clothes stuffed inside? - Yes...
looks like he wears less than mallika sherawat
no, i don't wear anything, i walk around naked
d'you bother? This bag contains medicines, injections, stethoscope
i'm a doctor... so what if i'm a vet?
Doctor!
We badly need a doctor. Please come
what are you doing? I'll come through the door
sure? You won't run away? - I won't
promise? - He'll run through the door! Go!
Double ticket here. - I see
greetings. Doctor, come here. - I'll sit behind
come here. Take the window. - I'll sit behind
you don't understand. - Take the window. Come on here
window
goa? - Yes, goa
doctor? - Yes, doctor
practicing since long? - Fifteen years
really? Then you must've cured many patients
you see this body, it's entirely riddled
riddled?
I mean, it's a fort of diseases. - I see
listen, i'm in a terrible shape
i don't go to places where they don't have toilets
i haven't seen a film in ages
why ages?
I like to watch movies in cinema halls. - Me too
in cinema halls, there's more to eat than watch
fritters! - Fritters! But i have a problem
why? - When something spicy goes inside,
gas comes out
while watching movies, i have ten intermissions...
while people have just one. That one's also riddled
well... - look, without even looking at you...
i can hear you. - I feel you are not listening
okay, speak. - I must feel you are listening
okay, go ahead. Don't chew my brains. - Please treat me
i can cure diseases, not you
doctor, treat him please
the bus didn't even travel for two minutes and he stopped the bus twice
at this rate, when will we reach goa? - How ridiculous
it's a ridiculous disease. I don't know what to do
have it, dear
have it
it's a mighty pill! - Mighty disease, mighty pill
i'll drink the water but how will i gulp the pill down?
I'll show you, make way for me. - Are you leaving me alone?
No. Come to the window. - Shall i take the window?
Now put it in your mouth, what a doctor!
How do you feel now? Better?
Brother? Come over here now, please
now please shut up till we reach goa
what do you want? - I'm thirsty
want water? - Yes
i'm going to see her face now
drink
there must be a godzilla inside her, while he is a sucker
who are they? - Lions from bermuda
what's up? - Fine
where have you been roaming?
Guru greg has been giving us commando training in these jungles
commando? He's fooling you. The britishers have always conned us
do cricketers train in jungles? He might make watchmen out of you guys
he's right. - Be careful
but he says this training will improve our game
his mother and my mother share their horoscopes. I know him
for cricket, you must practice cricket, but you are running in the jungles
guruji says climbing the hills will improve our game
is greg chappel coaching you?
Or is he avenging some defeat australia suffered because of india? How silly
i feel he must've told you, "go by the bombay to goa, cricket will improve"
gosh! How did you know that? - The entire nation knows your coach,
not just us. - He has been exposed
dada has come back too
hi. My name is gaurav ganguly. I hope you haven't forgotten your dada?
Are you doing an advertisement or are you seeking sympathy?
You hog the tv so much that we might forget out dad's name but not yours
i have forgotten. - Veeru, you are a sick player
you are always losing. Aren't you guys ashamed?
I told you, but you won't understand. The people understand
why don't you understand, tendli? At least win some semifinals and finals
one second. Sachin has a reputation
if he flops in one match, we think he'll play better in the next
if he flops again, we think he'll do better in the next
if he still fails, we think he'll do better next time
right. - But what about the other ten?
They enter the ground like i do when i go to watch matches sometimes
welcome, losers of the indian team
sehwag, put the bat down
where's your cellphone? - In my pocket
your might just call
pathan! What a face!
Time was when there were action replays of players playing
you hardly play, so how will they replay?
Mr dravid! I'm your fan. Wonderful, my slack captain
very good. You play great. I tell you,
you are the one and only dravid, the rest are all liquid
dhoni! Come on, my washerman
you were brought in to hit the ball
you can't hit the ball, at least wash your mane
gosh! Sachin. - Hi. How are you?
I'm fine. Everyone and everything is fine,
but i have complaint. - Tell me
before the matches, you fall ill, before the series, you break bones
at this rate, your name should change from master blaster to master plaster
are you shooting for an advertisement? - No, i'm training right now
go ahead. Don't ram into my bus, . - Okay
seen him somewhere? - No sir
show him the snap!
Have you seen him? - Yes sir, i met him at bandra
he then spent half-hour at bandstand and then went to dadar, mahalaxmi,
colaba, chor bazaar, then...
where did you drop him last? - On the bombay to goa bus
bombay to goa? - Where are we right now?
India, sir. - We are in india, father
there are lots of buses going to goa. Which bus must he have taken?
How will we find him? - Stop thinking, let's go looking
how are you, sir?
Want this?
Are you going to goa? You must be
outing, sir?
You must be a resident of goa. Even tourists go
are you a cop? - No
tv reporter? - No
rationing card agent? - No
then get lost. Go and take your seat and don't disturb me
no one disturbs him. He is the bartender...
at the goa film festival. He's going to hog on the house.
Team india, here you alight. Hide, and blacken your faces
people are looking for you, don't show your faces to anyone
take care
bye
idiot! How do you drive?
The superfast bus has become a piece of junk
where's the bus' underwear? - Underwear!
No underwear
hi, my energy capsule model, life insurance pension plan,
you think there will be trouble. - Shut up!
Why do you lose it always, spice boy?
Where did it go? - Flown. We can't go any further now
you are right. - The roof's out now.
When the floor breaks, we'll all be gone!
We'll have to use a crane to lift you up
damn you!
You cigarette stub! You don't know my anna. You get that?
Bloody dead rat! Anna has thrown out many wrestlers without using a crane
who the hell are you?
And we forgot about the bus that's near the motel. Where is it?
I lied. This bus is going to goa. Do what you want to. What say?
Return our money. - Right
what kind of a bus did you make? - The mechanic's at fault. Am i?
I knew the roof will blow off. I told him, he said it won't
he bet 1000 on it. So we've won the bet
the two of us share the 1000. - Thousand?
Fraud! Return the money
return our money
stop screaming! Who the hell!
You fraud! How dare you cheat us? Return our money
all right, given. Take it from our head office in kolkata
kolkata? - There! Head office is in kolkata
you guys took our money, why should we go to kolkata for the refund?
Haven't you travelled in a state bus?
Short of change, the conductor asks you to go to the depot and take it
so you go to kolkata and take it. - You are frauds, scoundrels
you guys are bandits. You are in fact terrorists
i used to ride horses in the chambal valley. Want to see how?
If not for my brother-in-law, i'd have shown you
if you are boss, i'm no less. I'm a miller in dongri
abdul karim telgi is the name
your namesake is in jail, you will be thrown out
wait... i'll fix you. You are insulting me before my wife
don't worry dear, we'll inform the channel guys and expose them
dasa, what have you done? What? - Saved your money
saved my money? Look at me
where will the passengers go now? - Nowhere. They will come right here
you ought to be ashamed. Fear god
you still call this junk a bus?
You ought to be ashamed
i had such dreams,
desires
my bus, my travel business...
you have shattered all my dreams, dasa
lala,
you know with whom i fight the most in this world?
With my wife
and who do i love the most?
My wife
you are my wife's brother. Silly boy
how could you think i'll ruin you?
Had i not done this, they would've made your life miserable till we reached goa
just watch now. All of them will come back and travel to goa...
in this very bus. I'll make a train out of it
i'm really tired. I feel as if my legs have punctured
is there a cure? - I'm tired. Massage is the cure
it's no good. - Carry on, you will feel better
slow cure? - Right
i always get slow healing
see, i've always been wearing this neck strap, but it hasn't healed
you will be healed. Just keep massaging
sure. But... - don't scratch, just massage
it's itching... - don't scratch, just massage
massage is not a cure for itch. - It is. Just massage
hell!
Back screwed? Mine... too
what? - Don't you understand?
What was the need to fight? I have to face it
for no reasons at all. But the bus was good
now you realise the bus was good
why did you pick up a fight? - Did i alone fight with them?
You too gave us company. I picked up the fight, eh?
Here you are. Done. - It was tough
can't help it, got to do it
did you tie it up there? - I think...
brother... everyone is tired. They are apologising
see that? - Shall we get in?
Come on! Run for your seats
they wouldn't travel without a roof, eh?
Brother-in-law, hats off to you! You are amazing
i'll turn this into a train! - And make me a railway minister
sit... go ahead. - My wife is also here
wife, of course. Book your seat
now you realise how comfortable this bus is?
You came running, didn't you? Until one is drowning,
he doesn't realise the value of a log. Get that?
Let's see who complains? Even if the walls, roof, wheels...
and steering wheel go off, no one will talk. No one
well, is it okay?
And you? Sweetheart
well blackie? - I give up all right
poet? - All right, brother dasa
what say, dam? - The dam's caved in
well, doctor? - Is this injustice?
Can't we discuss it amongst ourselves? - You are talking too much
want me to throw your stuff out? - No... no, brother
don't be rude to him. - Wow
take care, lal, while i drive
hey! Where did the old man go?
You guys are strange. How mean
we left out an old man and you guys didn't care to tell us
how could we? Your driver asked us to shut up
we had just one poor old man from the dinosaur era
dasa, stop! - Damn
what is it? - That skinny old man has vanished
the bus can run without him. - Still, he was an old man
look
excuse me... come here, one minute
me?
Are you a tv reporter? - No, i'm a writer
are you married?
No, i'm not married
didn't find that type of a girl yet
what type of girl do you want? - Sir, i want...
a simple girl. - Like deepa
she should have never-ending love
deepa is full of love
she should love her husband so much that he will never go out
when deepa is at home, why would he need to go to a bar?
Besides, she should be so intelligent,
she should understand my needs. - Deepa is very smart in that matter
what do you think about deepa?
I think my incomplete book and life...
has been completed in this bus
greetings. Are you a doctor?
You must've treated several girls
but nisha is different
you are a busy man, you hardly know about worldly affairs
but nisha is an expert at that, she can handle anyone
very intelligent. She'd never give anyone a chance to complain
shall i consider this alliance fixed?
You don't even know me, how can you fix the alliance?
Marriage is all about destiny
seeking everywhere messes things up
i think you love nisha
you like nisha, don't you? I like you
as a person, i mean. - Won't you ask her?
Why ask her? That's the reason we're going to goa
what do you mean? - For her marriage
now that we have the suitor here, you can even marry on the road
on the road? - Yes
aren't you in a hurry? - Tearing hurry. Nisha, come here
look at the biker speeding
life is a road...
accident!
Stop!
Don't touch him, it could be a police case
who is it? Damn, it's that old man
begum, it's him
doctor, quick. Look...
coming
move, let me see
he's alive. Take him to the hospital
no... - pick him up
hang on, he's saying something. - No need to go to the hospital,
my time is up
what are you saying? You will survive, you have time
travelling with you, i realised that you are nice people
that's why i'm telling you
i felt as if you have the desire to live
i'll tell you a secret of life
twenty years ago,
easy. - I had committed a great heist
he's a thief. - I had stashed away...
the booty
i thought i'd enjoy it later
but i was arrested and imprisoned for 20 years
then? - Twenty days ago,
when i was released, two cops trailed me
not to solve the case but to enjoy the loot
i don't want the cops to get the treasure
so i'll tell you the secret to the treasure
treasure? - How big is the treasure?
Huge. It can make all of you millionaires
just stay there. - Stay there
in the jail... - he will survive
i prepared this map
take care
let me... - one second
any one please
the treasure... old postmaster...
postmaster. - Where? Speak
ma... - madgaon?
Speak. - Famous...
mushroom? - He says madgaon
he said madgaon
he said, i'm dead. - He said some mashoor...
triangle... round... it sure is something but utter nonsense!
No use to you. Might come of some use to me.
This is no road map. This is an ecg report.
I tell you, that man was demented due to old age. It's ecg report.
Let me look! Even i want to see. - Let go!
After the bar closed down, i too was in the hospital.
Even my ecg was taken once but it wasn't like this.
I am telling you, this is no ecg. - Will you put it away!
It's nothing. - Is it?
If it's nothing then why waste time over it? Take this!
You tore the map! - Why did you tear up that report?
What have you done? You tore up the map!
A moment ago, it was trash. And now, i tore up a treasure map!
Before dying, the old man told all of us its secret.
We are equal shareholders of it. I'll distribute each piece to all.
Why to everyone? - Fine! You don't take it.
Everyone is together and they all heard what the old man said.
Fine!
When need be, we will all join our pieces together...
and proceed together in the direction of the map.
Don't fuss else no one will get anything.
Fine, let's have the pieces. - Fret not! I am giving it!
Let me have it. - I got madgaon.
Take it! - Let me have it!
What's going on? You get aside.
Hey, no one will touch that. - Hide it fast!
What's going on? What happened here? - Hello!
Hey old man, don't you dare die before you reveal your secret.
You've kept your mouth sealed for the past 20 years.
Hey mister, he's long gone.
You will have to follow him if you want to know something.
Who the heck are you? - He's a cop.
I sir, am the driver. - Wasn't it you who run him down?
Why will i? He came in front of my car. Did i run him down?
No, he did not. - So, you all are in it together.
Come with me to the police station. You are sure to own up there.
Just a minute, sir. I can tell you what he said on his deathbed.
Can you really? - Please come in a corner.
What is he doing? - Everyone quiet!
So, what did he say? - He was very sad.
He was sorry he couldn't see abhishek and aishwarya's wedding.
What? - Maybe, in his next birth. The rest was history.
He was sad amitabh did not invite... - abhishek and ash's weddin...
i know what he said. - What?
Before dying, he asked me who's the winner of laughter challenge - i.
Who is it? - Who? I don't know. Do you?
Even he told me something... - what?
He was sorry he won't be able to see the dance bar re-opening.
The poor man wanted to see the dance.
I know what he told. - What?
Said he was glad to die...
he won't be able to see india losing in the world cup, that's it.
His condition was a bit happy, a bit sad.
He was happy that he won't have to watch any more films by j.p. Dutta.
But was sad as to why didn't he die before the release of umrao jaan?
Oh, shut up!
Your phone's ringing. Take the call. Incoming is free now.
Did you catch the old man? - No sir. He's dead.
No! He can't die...
he can't die before telling us the secret of million rupees robbery.
Damn you! Where were you when he was dying?
I was chasing him when his bike fell into the chasm and he died.
But the passengers of the bus going to goa were crowding him.
Did anyone say anything? - They say he said nothing but...
i say, i'll take them to the police station and make them talk.
They will spill out everything.
No, don't do that. Now listen to me very carefully.
Follow them very cleverly and find the secret, you idiot.
Do you get what i am saying? - Yes, i do. You may go!
Here's bombay, here's chiplun and here is goa. This is our bypass.
Isn't chiplun a bit long? - Fine! We'll make it small.
What shall we do, anna.
I guess, we should head to goa and look for the treasure.
You think you can find that age old buried treasure so easily?
Why get tensed? We were born poor, grew up poor and will die poor.
I guess, we should give it a try.
We shouldn't be sorry later that we didn't try at all.
We poor get the money two ways. Either snatch it or win a lottery.
And we badly need such a lottery. Who amongst us doesn't need money?
True! I eloped with her but got no money. God knows what will happen?
Even i don't know what will i do after i reach goa?
Atleast if i find the treasure, i might set up a new business.
If i find the treasure, i'll make a movie based on my book.
I too dream of having a clinic. Patients coming and going...
where? In heaven?
If i get the money, i'll first make a volvo bus.
I am just a driver. I'll take the bus wherever you want to go.
If goa is our destination then what are we doing here in the jungle?
Let's all go to goa.
Hold on a minute! - What now?
Will everyone go to goa? - Then what? Won't we all?
Who's got the map? - We all have it.
We all. Then who will go to goa? - We all will go to goa.
We don't want extra luggage.
They went... now, where did these come from?
What are you all staring at?
Haven't you ever seen a half beautiful man with two pretty girls?
Look at that! - Hey, why stare from there?
Come closer and take the ticket. Two full and 1 half full to goa.
This bus won't go to goa. - What?
Will it then go to chinchpokli?
The board says "bombay to goa". And you say it won't go there?
Sometimes joy, sometimes sorrow. Sometimes day, sometimes night.
At times moon, at times stars. Sometimes complete, or incomplete.
Sometimes sky, sometimes earth. Sometimes hooch, sometimes rum.
You think too great of yourself! - You seem to be ready to fight.
You jerk! My brother will straighten you.
Don't tell me you people even have brothers. Where's he?
Here's my brother.
Hey you lilliputs, i am his brother.
That's a dangerous man you brought along.
If you have a bully then so do i. - Who?
You. Deal with him. - What do you want?
Where will this bus go? - To goa.
The map definitely has to be with him...
who looks at another person upon hearing about the map.
Get it? Now go and find. - Rightaway!
What the heck! Who is it?
Seems to hail from a good family but has died a dog's death.
The way he died, looks like he's sleeping in hid bedroom.
Who are you?
Good you came, sire! Help me!
First you grab me and then ask me for my help?
I bet, you belong to a gang of bandits.
No sir. The bandits ran off with my bike.
Now, you are my only hope. - Do you intend to drop me?
Until you don't promise to take me ashore, i shan't let go of you.
I say, let go! - No way, sire!
Want to come along? - Yes sir.
And then a sikh boarded the bus. Quite an interesting character.
Excuse me young man, are you a sikh or a bengali?
Both. - How can you be both?
A woman can have two husbands but a child cannot have two fathers.
Then how come you are half-breed?
Can't a bengali and a punjabi be husband and wife? Then?
Meaning, your father's a punjabi and your mother's a bengali?
My father's a bengali and my mother's a punjabi.
But if your father's a bengali, then how can you be a sikh?
Hey, watch it, man! - How come you became a sikh?
My father never married my mother. - Did he then...
no! My mother married my father. What's your problem? Let me work!
Are you looking for something? - You scoundrel!
She hit me twice. - Wrong! She hit you thrice.
Hey, what do you want? - What did the old man say?
What? - What did the old man tell you?
And who might you be? - Me? I am a very dangerous person.
I've killed 56 people so far. Two are left.
When people don't open their mouth before me, i make them talk.
You dare threaten us! We will cut you up!
Everyone sit down! - Man, she is too dangerous.
I warn you! I am very dangerous!
And you... i'll come back for you. And when i do, i'll take you back.
Get out of here!
Did you see that? - Did you see?
They are bar girls who work in a bar.
They will make us waiters for life.
I think a writer should never marry a fighter.
Can't this marriage break? - Good if it does.
It can. But i can't break it. You ask if they are willing.
The weather is very bad.
And there's a possibility of hail shower with thunder and lightning.
Can't say if this marriage will break but we both sure will.
He will come... he definitely will. - Excuse me, sir! What's wrong?
Everyone will be killed. We all will be killed for treasure.
Who will be killed? Relax man! - The old man's dead. Now we too.
Why are you perspiring so much?
You don't even have a pulse.
You are perspiring and your b.p. Is high. You can suffer a stroke.
Somebody take him to the doctor!
What happened to you? - Nothing. What will happen to me?
Take him to a doctor. - What's wrong with him?
Attack!
You mean, a heart attack! - Yes, something like that.
Don't worry, sir. Wait! Aren't you a doctor too?
You didn't get it. Take him to a good doctor.
Aren't you a good doctor? - I am but...
attend to him! I don't have the time to take him to another doctor.
No doctor. I can see my dead wife waiting for me with open arms.
I am coming! Doctor, i am going! - Go then! No, don't!
Doctor, why don't you open your bag and put something in this mouth?
What a headache! Why did i ever board this bus?
Doctor, why do you have everything so big?
Pills as big as a pancake and now this injection as a rocket!
Sir, your malady too is big and many.
Fine but, won't this injection come out if you put it from here?
What's wrong? - Who said this is for your arms?
Then? - It's for your butts.
Go behind, pull down your pants and lie down face down. Go!
Need my to take off your pants? - No. I'll manage.
You sure? - Go and get ready. I am coming.
He'll manage on his own. You just bring your injection.
Everybody close your eyes! - Close your eyes.
No matter how much he screams, no one will turn around.
Be careful now!
No matter what, today i'll treat him, for good.
Will you come now?
I am taking this risk on your saying and have even loosened my pants.
Stop yelling? - Doctor...
hush up! - How do i?
This big! Atleast it's better than the buffalo. It's not empty.
What are you thinking? Just stick it in wherever you want.
What are you staring there for? - What do i do then?
Give me a hand! - Doctor!
Don't worry, sir! Customer satisfaction is my focus.
It's coming. Focus on this! - Doctor!
Stop shouting, will you? Will it do you any good?
Did the medicine go in?
Is it going in?
Take the needle out or it'll remain inside.
What are you doing? Take it out! - I am! It's not coming out.
What kind of a doctor are you? The patient is in so much pain.
Stay like this till we reach goa. Don't forget, you got another butt.
What's the score? - 80 for 9, pakistan.
Pakistan is 80 for 9? Did you put a new battery in it?
What do you mean by new battery? - New battery gets wickets faster.
What a bus this is!
What happened? - Don't worry! I too have a share.
What happened? - Half-wit! Where did you get us?
Atleast listen to me! - They both ran off. Now suffer.
It's won't be like that. - Where is that pumpkin?
Atleast listen to me! - Where's the pumpkin?
Who called me a pumpkin? - Where were you all this time?
Name's daasa. I haven't run off. I am right here.
Where were you? - Under the bus repairing the engine.
Do you get under just like that?
How will we reach if the bus is not running? I ran off? Where will i go?
Everyone's sleeping. If i want, i can run off with all the map pieces.
But, how do i run? - With your legs, of course!
No... i mean, the bus broke down.
Is mangal panday too going to goa?
Sir, please wake up! - Who the heck is that?
Someone is shouting outside! Let's go out and check.
Good this 10 footer goliath is with us.
Come out come out, wherever you are! - Who's there?
Who the heck are you? - I am jungle panday. Any problem?
Where did you come from? - I am the original jungle panday.
Who says so? I am the original.
My family is the original jungle panday.
My father was in the army. He did not fight the british.
He robbed them and used his wits and hid the treasure somewhere safe.
I am not that witty. I know where the treasure is.
Did you find the treasure?
I know the location. But why should i tell you?
Sir, could you tell us how to look for the treasure? Might help us.
I watch tv programmes? Do you watch rendezvous?
In rendezvous, they show sniffer dogs sniffing out bombs.
I can sniff and tell you where the bomb is and where the treasure is.
My smelling sense is too good.
What do we do? - Keep him. We can use a dog.
What did you call me? - What are you thinking?
How can he be a bengali if he's a marathi?
Like bannerjee, mukherjee, he must be a pandayjee and so a bengali.
No. Tell me something.
How can you speak bengali if you are a panday?
Because, jungle has no languages. Jungle people speak any languages.
English, bengali, urdu. - Time out, sir.
First of all, this jungle is not in bengal so you are not a bengali.
Then tell me, how can you speak bengali?
I am a punjabi by birth but speaks bengali. So, what's your problem?
Today i am mangal panday speaking in bengali. What's your problem?
He's the same fellow. Let's get him, girls!
You came here again to die? - Oh my god!
You sure have prepared them. - I've taught them martial arts.
Do they beat you too?
Now look what we do to you. Get out of here!
Whose is that?
It's not mine. Is it yours? - No way. I never brought it.
Hey, he's running off! - Stop!
As i was saying... you ask. - What?
Well anna... you ask. - Why don't you ask?
What is it? - Can our marriage break?
You got the guts? Then go and ask her.
Why would we come to you if we had the guts?
We are sissys, tell him! - We are really scared.
I saw how your girls beat up. - I've prepared them that way.
Father, why don't you answer the phone?
"Brother, i call out to thee on the road..."
a message from father?
Welcome for leaving hutch and taking ain'tel.
Ain'tel? Hutch?
Hey guys, look for yourself! Ain'tel... hutch. Dad!
Push man! - We are...
push nothing else in the dark but the bus.
Push!
You want to eat a lot but got no strength in you.
What is he saying? - Lend me a third hand now.
Where do i get a third hand from? - You want me to get off?
Don't. Have a cold drink. - Let's go, anna.
What's going on? You can't possibly push the bus.
Move aside! Let me push.
He doesn't look like a human to me. Are humans like this?
Never. - He looks like a ghost to me.
Don't you be scared now!
Will you stand straight? - Don't be scared!
Let go of my hand!
Who is he of yours? - He's my brother.
What were your parents eating at the time of his birth?
Iron. - And for you?
Jaggery. - God, save me!
Doctor! - Sit down, nisha.
Well done, brother!
Come and sit over here, doc. - I am coming.
Will you sit with that baldy all the time? Sit over here.
No, i want to sit with him. - I too am coming.
Should i invite you? Come here! - I have!
Will you sit straight or... - no... god help!
The phone's ringing. - What's going on?
Doctor, your phone's ringing. - Yes give it to me. A call for me.
Say the doctor's busy. - The heck he is!
Doctor, where are you? - He's a bit busy.
Tell him that rani has delivered a healthy baby of 40 kgs.
How many babies are there? - One.
One baby of 40 kgs? Don't you think he's a bit overweight?
No. It's a normal weight for a calf. - A calf?
Is he a vet? - Didn't you know?
He's delivered all my cattle with his very own hands.
Pity... after today, he won't have any hands.
Get up! - Hey, what are you doing?
You call yourself a doctor? You deliver babies weighing 40 kgs.
I'll have your hands for what you did, get it!
How dare you give me the injection you give to your animals?
Ever since hiv spread amongst humans...
i never use the same syringe on two animals.
Do i look like an animal to you?
You are a patient. Don't beat him or you'll be dead.
Do i look like an animal to him? - Sir, he too is my customer.
What does he think of himself? - Let's go!
Get yourself treated from a good doctor if you find the treasure.
Which good doctor?
Do you know a good doctor? - Yes. Dr. Shree ram lagoo.
Conductor! - What happened?
Stop the bus if you come across an eatery.
What's your problem? Haven't you heard? Next stop, goa.
We are humans and we fell hungry. We want food.
And listen... goa. - Be quiet!
We even have to find the treasure once we reach goa.
God knows in what hole is it buried in.
And you need a lot of strength to dig it out.
I believe it now. - What?
You are not an idiot after all. You do have brains.
Daasa, stop the bus at a nice eatery!
The poet sure has brains!
You will know how smart i am...
when i'll dine at the eatery.
Get me some water! - Take the orders from there.
Just because of one hungry man, the bus came to a halt.
Excuse me! Won't you be eating? Have something.
Won't you be eating? - Are you treating me?
Why will i? Eat with your money. I am not running any charity.
Then i'll eat with my money whenever i want.
Then eat! - What's he, man?
Trying to slip away with some excuse. Won't let you go.
I'd have understood this if only i had learnt geography in the school.
This is the road. If it will not be here...
looking at the map, are you?
Have a look yourself and tell me if it makes any sense to you.
You'll get nowhere with this.
Why is your wife sitting so far from you?
She shies from men. That is why, she eats alone.
Why don't you call her? - Just a minute!
Why don't you tell us the truth what's inside that veil?
What's bothering him?
That's my wife under that veil and not your daughter or sister.
You sure?
Will you be eating or just talking? - Shut up!
Who are you to give us the option? Are you amitabh bachchan?
No.
Then bring us what you have. Don't take any orders.
My wife doesn't like to eat like others. Ask her what she'll have.
Is she ordering for right now or for the whole year?
What's within that veil? Must be a bomb.
Can't be a ghost. - Sure!
They are more show offs than us. But forget it!
It's the first time her man in white is missing.
Let's find out what's behind that veil?
Hello! - Hello!
That's gruff! It's a manly voice.
I own up, first time in my life! I am a man and loves a man.
I knew there was something wrong behind the veil. Here is his wife!
You dimwit! That's not his wife. That's the waiter.
What will you eat? Place your order. - Take a walk! Get lost!
Where is he then? - He slipped away with his wife.
He ran off and took his woman in veil too.
Atleast once i'd have seen what she looked like behind that veil.
Forget what was behind the veil and think that he'll reach goa first.
Do you know that he's got the main part of the map?
By the time we reach goa in this he'll have run off with the treasure.
Did you hear that? I told you something was fishy.
Did you hear that? A treasure!
Within two hours he will find the postmaster.
How cheap can people be! Greedy! What if we took a little? Crooks!
He'll become the sole owner of treasure worth millions. No!
Daasa, everyone ran off. - What? They ran off?
Where are you going now? - Damn them! I'ii...
run the bus fast! We've got to reach the treasure first.
The bus can't be trusted but i can be. Hop on!
Hey, where's my bike?
Will you go to madgaon? - Yes, i will.
Take this 1000 and let's go! Hey, take me along too!
Will you go to madgaon? - Yes, i will.
I'll give you a 100. take this. - Thank you, sir.
You idiot! I want to go!
Stop! I want to go to madgaon. I'll pay you a 1000. i'll go along.
Let's go then. - Wait! There's more. Shift!
I was going to loot the treasure and they looted me instead.
Jhumroo, wait! Where to on this? - To find the treasure.
On this? Couldn't you find a better ride?
Will you give me a lift? You'll get my blessing.
I've no family. So, you'll get my treasure too.
Really? Hop on, then. Besides, your blessings do have effect.
Abhishek bachchan, stop! - What is it?
Do you plan to go to goa on foot?
I am not expecting a helicopter to give me a lift.
Why get mad? If not the helicopter, we can atleast get a lift in a car.
Good idea, sweetie! How about you do something?
Stop! Lift!
How are you?
Giving a lift to your sister? How could you forget her husband?
Get in, sister.
She works in a very big hospital. She's got a different personality.
Let's go.
Let bygones be bygones. We'll share the treasure amongst ourselves.
You are sick and dying and yet won't give up your treasure.
I might live some more if i get the treasure.
There they are who kicked me out of the rickshaw. Drive faster!
Watch where you are going! Go slow! - They are gone!
Bombay to goa! Careful now! - Here's the bus!
I'll get them all! Hey, it's in ruins.
Where is everybody? - It's empty.
The phones' ringing. - It's your phone.
Where are you right now? - We were following the bus.
When we came to the bus, we found the passengers are missing.
Where did they go? - Looks like, they've gone to goa.
Their sudden disappearance shows that they know about the treasure.
Do one thing. Take your joker son and enjoy.
Really sir? Thank you, sir. - What will the boss do if we enjoy?
I'll do what i have to do.
Bye! - Where are you going?
This wrong sign sure came of use to us. You do have brains.
What did i tell you? - Now, let's get rid of it.
They will go to chennai and we'll go to where? - Goa!
Let's go! I'll build you a train. - Huff and puff and here we go!
Hop on! - It's missing a tyre.
Are both missing? - Why does everything go wrong?
He could have spared us one. That would have helped.
Who the hell run off with our tyre?
I was wondering where my wife was. But, she is driving the truck.
Couldn't you find a bigger ride than this? - No.
Try your luck and ride it off. I'll get in.
They too are going. - How dare you fool us?
Damn you all! You all fooled us! You won't get any treasure.
Our efforts paid off. Here's the house of the postmaster.
Hello, is anybody home? - Let me try! Is anyone there?
Who is it?
Who is it? Who are you? How come you are barging in?
Are you the postmaster? - In the past.
Just the person i am looking for. - Who me?
I want to know a secret. I've dealt with all the postmasters of goa.
You are the only one left. - But i am no more a postmaster.
I was caught stealing 20 years ago and was fired from my job.
So, you too were a thief and so was the dying man. I won't leave you.
Leave me! I've been atoning for my sins for the past 20 years.
How can i just leave you? Not until you tell me where the treasure is.
What treasure? I know nothing of it. I've nothing to do with any treasure.
I'd only steal some petty tickets from the letters, that's all.
How dumb of you! I am talking about treasure and you talk of tickets!
Where is the treasure worth millions which my father gave you to keep?
Why did he give it to me to keep? And who was your father?
The one who gave you the treasure. - But, who gave it to me?
My father did. - But why did your father...
who could it be?
The gangsters have arrived. They want to kill us. We are hiding.
Say nothing about the treasure if they ask you.
Else, they'll kill you and take the treasure. Let's go over there.
Let's get in fast!
Move aside! - Excuse me, sir!
Ask him. - What?
Why look at us like that for? Do we look like gangsters to you?
We know. All your companions are dead.
We found out from goa that you are the only man...
who was the postmaster 20 years ago and is still alive.
What happened? Aren't you keeping well?
Do you want a pill? - Don't bother!
It's true! I've no treasure on me. Nor did anyone give me any.
We didn't ask about any treasure nor said if anyone gave you any.
Then how come you are talking about it?
Listen! That treasure was give by my father who is now dead.
Now tell us nicely where that treasure is. Else...
looks like the gangsters are here. Tell them nothing about us.
And say nothing about the treasure. They can shoot you.
Tablet!
Don't shoot! I know nothing about the treasure.
Treasure? He already knows about it. Shoot him!
Don't shoot! - You didn't understand.
His father stole a treasure 20 years ago and kept it with you.
He has come to take the same. Tell him. Say it!
Medicine! - Don't shoot me!
Whoever is at the door should not know we are here.
Okay!
Tablet! - Will this do? Open your mouth.
Is this the tablet? And you scared me for nothing.
What are you doing? You act as if you are about to puke. Get in!
I don't need a maid. - Do i look like a maid to you?
No... what do you want?
20 years ago, my father kept a treasure here. I've come for it.
What treasure are you talking about? - Did you hear him?
Tell anyone we are here and you'll get a whack from me.
Who is it? What a rotten day!
Tell us where the treasure is which our father kept here?
I know nothing about no treasure. - Where is the treasure?
Someone's here! Tell no one we are hiding here.
Especially about the treasure. - Understand?
Where do we hide? - Hide anywhere.
"Find the treasure!"
Where's the treasure my father kept here 20 years ago?
I know nothing about it. - Do say where it is.
Hey dancing boy, i know nothing about no treasure.
Tell me where the treasure is. - What's happening today?
Tell no one we are here. - Go and hide!
He seems to be quite old. He has got to be the postmaster.
I don't have... - let's ask him.
Did anyone come here before us? - Inquiring about the treasure?
We are inquiring about the treasure which our father said before dying...
that it's kept with madgaon's postmaster.
Let us have your treasure else... - let us have it.
I will threaten, you beat. - Threaten.
Let us have that treasure. Give us that treasure else...
else... - old man! He died in one threat.
Did you have to threaten so loud? Look he's dead now.
He seems to have passed out. Throw some water!
You moron! Take this!
Now laugh!
Stop playing around with water and throw some water on the old man.
Hey mister!
He's alive!
Before you ask me anything more, tell me something.
Who was that old man who has so many children?
What is it you did that he lied to you about the treasure even at his...
deathbed and you like crazy are frantically searching for it?
It's a lie! - No, it's not! It's not a lie!
Would i be living here if i had the treasure? I'd be living in a mansion.
Then tell me, why would the old man lie before dying?
Perhaps he'd gone out of his mind.
Just a minute! Who's got the maps, raise your hands.
Let's place the map on the table and join it back.
Then we'll see how to reach madgaon from chiplun and then the treasure.
Is that right? - Absolutely!
The map is of this place. Could be another postmaster.
I asked them all. You are the only one alive.
Must be someone else. Come with me partners! Let's find the treasure.
How did he become a partner? Damn hi...
this is wrong! We will protest against him.
Don't talk like an animal. - You are talking like an animal.
The treasure we find without the map, half of it will be mine.
Half will be mine!
Silence! Don't break up. Everyone follow me.
Hello murari. Please call your dad. - Hello!
He's dead. - What? Dead?
Jairam, where does vithal stay these days?
He left long back. - He's left?
Jamnabai! - Let me try.
Mr. Pathare! - What is it?
Where can i find mr. Pathare? - There is no one by that name here.
Where's postmaster sawant tiwari? - Who is he?
Tell me something. - Yes, what?
You were too excited for becoming a partner. Do you even know anyone?
I know... - shut up!
Cut him up in so many parts that he'll forget about the partnership.
There's one more person left. - Is he the last one?
Absolutely! Don't worry. Come! - Or you are dead! Let's go!
Careful man!
This statue is of the very first postmaster of madgaon.
How will we find him?
Did your father by any chance keep the treasure with him?
You don't keep the treasure. It is buried.
Then let's dig it up! - With what? Hands? Get a shovel.
Dig it with your injections. You must have huge ones.
His hands are like shovels. Let's get him to dig up.
Take this and start digging.
Let's go! - Take your pick!
Move aside! This is no time to drive.
What was that thud? - He's breaking the statue.
Do you intend to break it? - Break it? He already broke it.
Man, you scared us! - Dig it up fast!
Oh wow! He found it!
Let us too have a look.
I got the treasure!
You want the treasure?
Looks like he's gone.
Don't hit me, i am warning you.
Where did he go?
I got it with such difficulty.
Stop him! Catch him!
Let me have the treasure or i'll curse you.
Oh really! Hold this.
Let me have that rattler.
Remove it! Pick it up!
Why are you showing me your dance and licking such a big lollipop?
You want me to remove it? Do one thing. Bend over.
You weren't afraid to put it in your mouth and afraid removing it.
You won't lose that but i sure will lose my treasure.
What do i have to do?
Okay... you want me to push it in? Here you go!
I can't do any more than this. Where am i stuck?
I badly need to pee. I'd better do it or i won't be able to run.
This is such a headache! What a bad timing!
Who is that? - It's me!
Stop! I can't run with a full bowel.
Hey stop! I say, stop! Come back!
God, what happened! Am i stuck?
Never go through the hole not big enough for you.
Now remain stuck. - Go easy on me! My bowel's full!
Which way do i go?
What? How do i remove it? I myself am stuck.
Will you be hitting the doctor? That's not very nice of you.
I won't fight today. And i don't hit women.
Better move from my way or else...
pretty lady, you are driving me crazy.
Thank you!
No never!
Never harass a woman in veil. She beats up a lot.
Where are you going? Let me have my share.
Partner, let me have my share. - Take your share and off with you!
What a share!
No... don't! - Let me have the chest.
Damn him!
Go away, mister! I don't like such things.
Oh! It's stuck and you want it removed.
It won't come out like that. I got an idea.
Is it gone? - Straight into my stomach.
Stomach? Never mind! Don't worry. Here are two pills.
Take this one after going to bed and this one before waking up.
After going to bed and before waking up?
Did your father even do this?
Who is it? Where did it go?
Give me the chest or i'll cut you up.
You leave. - But what about you?
It's been 35 years. - What do you mean?
Right. Now leave.
Where did it go? - Where's the treasure?
Partner, let me have it. - No way.
Give it or should i pelt you? - No, don't!
Thank you, partner. Hang in there, you ingrate!
Do you take us to be fools?
This treasure belongs to a postmaster and shall remain with one.
Don't come closer or i'ii... - first i beat and then i hear.
Who is it? - Your father. Let me have it.
Who's the new character? - Looks like a top villain to me.
Not the top villain but call me top cop.
I am sorry! - He's a cop.
You got a nice gang here. Well done!
What the cops couldn't solve in 20 years, you solved it in a day.
Thank you, sir! - I should be thanking you.
Thank you very much. And bye bye!
Where is he going?
Where are you going? - We can't be related.
Shouldn't we be rewarded for finding the lost treasure?
What reward?
We'll all go with you to the police station.
No one will follow me.
We are not talking about following but coming along.
You idiot, listen to me very carefully!
Neither will anyone follow me or come with me, okay!
Why will we be following you?
We worked so hard. Will you just ruin it all?
You scoundrels! This time, i'll aim for your heads and not the ground.
I've been after this treasure since the past 20 years.
And you think i'll distribute it now amongst you paupers!
Don't anyone come closer. Move back!
Till today, i helped you thinking that in the service record...
of 20 years, there is not one case you haven't solved.
I therefore guessed that you want to solve this case too your way.
But no... you were too smart.
You were tricking the police dept. And planning for your retirement.
Great! I am sorry sir, i have to arrest you.
No, you can't arrest me.
When you know my record for the past 20 years has been spotless...
how will you prove i wasn't taking this to the station but for myself?
Uncle singh, string operation. - What? Again?
We got all your actions on tape. Enjoy the movie in the jail.
Let's go to tihar jail. - Let's go.
Stop for awhile and give us a thought too.
Sir, you are not the villain, are you?
Correct! - Then, how about you reward us.
Me too. - Both of us, a little.
Give me the treasure too. - Me too.
I can arrest you all for concealing information from the police.
Correct. - But i am not.
Correct. - This is your reward.
Correct. Lala, let's beat it. - But daasa...
correct. Let's go, old man.
We lost the treasure and our efforts didn't even pay off.
It's good what happened with us. We deserved it!
What's good about that?
We lost the treasure worth millions and you say it's good!
We are not bad people but we were fighting like dogs over the treasure.
That's wrong! We got greedy.
You are right. We became animals. But if only we got the treasure...
look at this! This statue was gloriously standing here for years.
And today it broke all because of whom?
Because of them... - because of us all.
Because of us? Let's pick it up! - Come.
But tell me something. Were we the only ones greedy?
Did they not get greedy too? Now come and give us a hand!
Let's go and do something good for a change.
Let's go, man! I am there. - I know that.
You'll always be there. But can't say if i'll make it alive.
Hey, take care! Oh no, you dropped it!
What's this? It's diamonds and that too real!
Diamonds?
We did one good deed and god rewarded us with a treasure.
Well, what do you know!
Partners, pick your share and let's get out of here!
Pick it up fast!
Let me too have a look. Diamonds!
My oh my!
Diamonds!